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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220280">One More Light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/C0smicAstra/pseuds/C0smicAstra'>C0smicAstra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Depressed Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Hopeful Ending, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Levi/Erwin Smith, One-Sided Relationship, Post-Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Rape/Non-con Elements, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:09:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,893</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/C0smicAstra/pseuds/C0smicAstra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Isabel and Furlan's deaths fresh on his mind, Levi tries to deal with it the best he can but when Erwin gets on his nerves while trying to help, things don't end up so well...<br/>--<br/>One-shot mainly focused on Erwin x Levi (but Levi doesn't reciprocate) with Eren x Levi hinted at the very end of the fic!<br/>Enjoy!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi &amp; Eren Yeager, Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>One More Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The world was a shitty place before and it still was. Levi would call it shittier even. He had dreamt of freedom when he left the Underground, they had dreamt of freedom when they were living in the Underground, only to end up not being any closer to freedom even if the sky was so wide and he was outside. Farther away it seems. Even if he could soar higher than he ever had been able to before, with the Wings of Freedom themselves on his back, and even if the walls didn’t mean anything to the Scouts Regiment, it meant pretty much the same to Levi, especially now. Trapped behind those walls unless they went out on an expedition. Even that proved to be a scheme to make them believe they were free as Titans ruled outside the walls and would stop at nothing to eat them.</p><p>As they had done so with Levi’s two closest friends, his family; Isabel Magnolia and Furlan Church. It had been only a day since the Scouts returned from the expedition and Levi could barely recognize himself. He’d returned with the Scouts, returned with Erwin, the man he was supposed to assassinate, because really? Where else was he supposed to go? He had no where to return to, he had no purpose any longer. This entire thing had been for nothing and if he’d known what awaited them, he’d never taken up that offer in the first place. He chose wrong. Isabel and Furlan’s deaths were on him but he still hated the entire world for it. He would have chosen to die in their stead ten times over if it meant they would survive. </p><p>What was he supposed to do now?</p><p>Levi had never been much of a sleeper before, but now he just didn’t sleep at all. He couldn’t bring himself to eat, could barely get himself out of bed. All that fight he seemed to have in him when he slaughtered all those Titans that killed his friends right in front of him was gone, completely vanished. </p><p>It was after yet another meal where he didn’t even touch the food given to him that Levi aimlessly wandered through the halls of the Scouts Regiment base and it’s also where he’d been so out of it that he ended up bumping into the man himself, Erwin Smith. They were both completely opposite size-wise; the blonde was tall and muscular while, especially with how he seemed to stop taking care of himself entirely lately, the ravenette was short and scrawny. In fact, Erwin seemed to notice because he grabbed Levi’s shoulders firmly to prevent him from falling backwards then proceeded to soften his grip as if the slightest thing could break him.</p><p>“Levi. Good timing, I was looking for you.”<br/>
The ravenette barely registered Erwin’s words. He kept staring at the floor and he was torn between just staying there or walking away. Since he couldn’t decide, he went with the former.<br/>
“I wanted to talk to you about your health. A few of your fellow Scouts, myself as well, have been concerned about your overall well-being. I’m aware that it can be especially tough after losing comrades-in-arms but that doesn’t mean you should stop caring for yourself all together. I know you have more fight in you, Levi. I want you to take care of yourself like everyone is expected to.”, Erwin went on even when he didn’t receive an answer from the ravenette who just kept staring at the floor.</p><p>There was a long silence between the two men and the blonde was about to go on before Levi finally let out a quiet mutter: “... There’s no point anymore.”<br/>
Without taking his eyes off the floor, the ravenette’s tone was enough for Erwin to figure out they might want to take this conversation elsewhere, somewhere the grieving soldier might be more willing to talk to his Superior. The halls were not private considering anyone could use them and could potentially hear what Levi would say. Erwin was certain that he knew that as well and that might be why he was so quiet. </p><p>“Come, Levi, let’s take this to my private quarters.”</p><p>The blonde turned on his heels and started walking until he realized that the other man hadn’t moved from his spot, making him halt and slightly shift his body to partly face the ravenette.<br/>
“Levi?”<br/>
The way his face showed no reaction even when his name was called turned out to be concerning to Erwin. Thinking he might need a little help getting by as it was not unheard of that soldiers would act that way after their first time outside the walls, Erwin walked back to his subordinate and grabbed the sleeve of his coat, tugging gently to prompt him to move forward.<br/>
“Come on, I’ll serve tea for the both of us.”</p><p>Receiving barely any reaction at all from Levi, at least he did move when Erwin tugged at his sleeve. He jerked his arm out of the blonde’s grip and, keeping his eyes on the floor, he started walking in the direction of Erwin’s private quarters. The latter took the lead because apparently Levi was in no hurry to get there but eventually they were alone as he closed the doors behind them.<br/>
“Make yourself comfortable. Take a seat. I’ll prepare the tea.”</p><p>As Erwin disappeared elsewhere to quite obviously do as he said he would, he left the ravenette to be on his own in the main room. When he was sure he was alone, Levi dared to look up and was not surprised to find that the blonde’s private quarters would be pristine and of quality. Meanwhile he was left to sleep in a bunk bed under some guy he didn’t care to remember the name of alone with approximately 10 other men in the same room. And no they didn’t clean up after themselves. However, he hadn’t been much better since yesterday. He decided to remove his coat, throwing it on one of the single sofas in the room and plopped down, crossing a leg over the other. Erwin did tell him to get comfortable and, even if he did, Levi wasn’t really sure of the blonde’s intentions towards bringing him to his private quarters. Was he hoping to get something out of this? As if he would just roll with him after he basically told Levi to have no regret and leave his friends behind. </p><p>He could feel the inner turmoil of the day prior lighting up once again in his guts. After the massacre, Erwin was surprised to find him as the sole survivor of his squad, he even looked impressed. He clenched his jaws and bent his back, joining his hands together and clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white. Raven hair fell in front of his eyes and the blonde chose that moment to return.<br/>
“Would you like some cream or sugar with your tea, Levi?”</p><p>That made the other man clench his fists even tighter together somehow. He’d sent his squad to die just the day before. That man was surprised to see him alive. Never once did he apologize for leaving his friends to die. They were nothing more than casualties, sacrifices that were somehow supposed to be for something? To give Humanity further knowledge on Titans to maybe come back from an expedition one day with the slightest hope to fight back? Why was Erwin even glad to see him alive, having survived against that horde of monsters that decimated his family, the rest of his squad. And he was just a few seconds too late… The blonde never acknowledged his losses, just made him aware that those losses had been for nothing since he knew about their reason for being here, knew about what they were after; the document as well as his life. </p><p>Levi should have died with them.</p><p>His hands started shaking and he could feel Erwin staring at him, perhaps in confusion. Or maybe he knew exactly what was going on inside his head. It didn’t matter.<br/>
“Levi, what’s the matter? You can talk to me.” </p><p>Isabel. Furlan. Expendable. Sacrifices. That’s what they were to Erwin.<br/>
Why did that prick get to live when his family only got to die?</p><p>Suddenly jolting up from his sitting position, rage blazing in his blue-grey eyes, Levi threw himself at Erwin, knocking the two cups of tea in the process and seemingly taking the blonde by surprise, sending the both of them to the floor with the ravenette on top of the other. So much fury in these young eyes as he tightly wrapped his hands around Erwin’s throat and squeezed until he could feel the latter’s pulse loud and clear against his palms. </p><p>“Why do you get to live while they had to die you fucking scum?!”, he yelled in the blonde’s face, shifting himself to prevent the man under him from kicking him off or using his legs to free himself. Squeezing even tighter, he could feel the man struggling to breath under his tight grip. “Why couldn’t you just let yourself kill and be done with it?! You piece of fucking shit, I don’t care that you knew all along I’m going to kill you right here and then just because I can and you fucking deserve it!”, he went on, his body shaking from pure rage. While he was screaming and taking his anger out on the blonde, Levi didn’t notice that while Erwin was struggling to breath, he wasn’t even struggling or trying to fight back. He just stared right at him with those icy cold blue eyes. </p><p>The same eyes he gave him after his comrades just gave their lives for what? Nothing.<br/>
And it only served to enrage the ravenette even more.</p><p>“Why aren’t you fighting back you fucking trash?! Is your life that worthless to yourself that you’re just willing to let yourself be killed and that’s that, huh?! Not that I’m complaining, you got to be fucking dead inside to be able to throw away lives as if they were nothing, just pawns for you to command and send to die!”</p><p>Huh? What was that… on his cheeks..? It was wet and… oh. He was crying. Since when did he begin to cry? Levi couldn’t do it anymore. He was so close to killing that blonde but… would it really change anything? </p><p>‘Are you having doubts?’</p><p>Erwin’s eyes were slowly rolling back as drool came out of his mouth from lack of oxygen but before it could get worse, Levi suddenly let go. The blonde gasped and brought hands to his throat that was heavily damaged because of the ravenette’s assault on him. The latter was staring down at his hands as if he just noticed what he was doing was wrong.</p><p>While Levi was staring at his hands and as his whole body shook, Erwin recovered from the other’s attempt to take his life, massaging his throat and slowly sitting up so Levi was crouching on his lap. When he felt the blonde shift, the ravenette suddenly looked up and visibly flinched at the proximity. </p><p>“Stay back!”, he warned as he tried to push himself off Erwin before the latter had any chance to do anything but due to his state, it was just that easy for the blonde to grab Levi’s wrist and pull him back down. The ravenette started thrashing about and struggling against the strong hold on his wrist but the more he struggled, the more he was hurting himself and it wasn’t Erwin’s goal to hurt Levi even if he did just almost kill him. That was the whole reason why he didn’t struggle; because he didn’t think Levi would do it. </p><p>“Stop. I don’t want to hurt you. You’re just hurting yourself.”, Erwin said, his voice laced with concern.<br/>
“Why do you care?! I just tried to kill you for fuck’s sake?! Why would you even care about me-- Fucking let me go already!”, Levi screamed, clearly not calming down.</p><p>The blonde sighed deeply and while the other continued his thrashing, Erwin eventually let go of his wrist which sent Levi staggering backwards and holding his wrist, wincing. </p><p>“Why..?”, he asked, voice quieter although his eyes were still blazing. “Why didn’t you try to fight back?”, he added, his voice demanding answers. “Were you really prepared to just… die at my hands? Just like that? What kind of sick psycho are you…”</p><p>Now sitting up more properly and massaging his throat still, Erwin looked back at the ravenette with a gaze he thought might be softer than his usual decisive cold icy blue eyes that seemed to just set Levi off earlier.</p><p>“I could simply tell you wouldn’t go through with it.”, Erwin replied simply and saw that it might have been the wrong answer for the ravenette as his eyes blazed with a new intensity.</p><p>“What?! You think I don’t have the guts to?! That I’m not strong enough to do it?!”, Levi snapped harshly.<br/>
“No, that’s not what I said. Why did you stop?”</p><p>The question visibly took Levi aback, making him waver just slightly, but as soon as he did, he was glaring again.<br/>
“Don’t try to evade the subject Erwin! What makes you think I wouldn’t have gone through with it?! I have nothing left to lose because you took those away from me--” He inhaled sharply. “--so why?! Answer me!”</p><p>Erwin remained calm, as if the pure rage and hatred emanating from Levi didn’t touch him, flew right past him completely.<br/>
“I already told you. I knew you wouldn’t go through with it. I see now that it isn’t enough for you. I believe that you wouldn’t kill me because I gave you a new purpose. Something to lose. But you don’t seem to have noticed that just yet, hm. Are you in denial?”</p><p>All these new revelations were complete news to Levi who looked offended by those words and the blonde once again trying to get information from him when it really didn’t matter.<br/>
“Tch! You think you know me so well, huh?! Then what would that new purpose or that something to lose would be exactly?!”</p><p>There was a moment of silence as they both stared at one another. One with complete fury and the other with unsettling calm.<br/>
“Me.”, Erwin answered simply in a matter-of-factly tone.</p><p>Levi’s eyes widened even more than before as an expression of disgust grew on his face. He pushed himself up to stand on his two legs again and flipped around, letting out a dark chuckle.<br/>
“It seems you’re even more delusional than I thought.”<br/>
He was about to grab his coat and leave the man be, he didn’t want to be here anymore. He was clearly uncomfortable. Before he could do either of those however, he felt that same strong grip grab the same wrist as before, making him wince, pull him back to prevent him from leaving. He didn’t have the chance to jerk away from the touch or push him away, he couldn’t do anything really as strong arms wrapped around his torso and held him there against his chest. His grip was strong, not that Levi tried to fight back this time; too shocked to even start processing what was happening.<br/>
“I want you to rely on me Levi. I’ll lift those burdens off your shoulders. It’s alright, you can put your faith in me. We’ll fight side by side and we’ll find the truth about this world, the Titans, together. I know it, I’ve known it ever since I saw you in the Underground.”</p><p>Levi was so utterly disturbed that he didn’t know how to react. He just let himself hear those words and then let Erwin flip him around. With his wide blue-grey eyes staring at the blonde’s intense blue eyes, the latter’s lips were suddenly on his. Levi’s entire body flinched at the sudden unwanted touch, brows furrowing, his entire body being revolted and wanting to rebel against this foreign contact, as if it was dirt left on the floor. Yet, he found himself being paralyzed. Why couldn’t he fight back like he had before? He wanted nothing more than to kick Erwin in the balls and run away but he… couldn’t. </p><p>Those dirty hands that touched him in more places that he expected, those dirty hands that slipped into his pants and touched him somewhere he never wanted to be touched, much less at his age. Those snickering filthy pigs with their hands threatening to swallow him whole. He taught them. He had taught them later… Dirty fucking pigs.</p><p>And somehow Levi knew why he was powerless during this act, why he didn’t fight when Erwin took his lack of resistance for consent and lifted him up off the ground, in his arms and led them both to his bedroom. He was too broken to protest. And as Erwin removed his clothes and his own, and as he laid there naked on the silky sheets of the bed, his mind slowly started to go blank. And with each and strong thrust inside him, he died a little more inside until he felt nothing. Nothing at all. Until nothing remained. </p><p>Until he had no choice but to hold onto Erwin to feel something. Because that pain he would feel each time this act was repeated was the only proof he had that he was alive. </p><p>Levi should have died that day. If not instead of Isabel and Furlan, then with them. </p><p>--</p><p>That was many years ago now and Levi had lost more people than he could count, and he didn’t count. As it turns out, his ability to feel nothing and become this beast of a man when outside on an expedition granted him fame. Humanity’s strongest warrior, they called him. The other soldiers referred to him as ‘heichou’, even though there was no actual rank in the military for that. It was a title he earned through his fighting prowess alone. </p><p>He could remember how loving to him Erwin had become ever since he proved to be an actual asset to him, how he proved to be immensely useful. And Levi kept enduring and enduring, having nothing else to grab unto. </p><p>Until he met Eren Jaeger. </p><p>Levi was currently heading to the dungeons, the one under the courtroom. It had been a few days since the boy was held there and they were just now allowed to see him. Erwin did most of the questioning and the ravenette, being his usual blunt and emotionless self tested the brunette, his back leaning against the wall and arms crossed on his chest. The large blonde next to him dismissed his doubts, reminding him they already knew the boy had no reason to lie. For some reasons, Levi couldn’t stare away from him, didn’t even look at Erwin as he went on about something else, didn’t even hear him, his blue-grey eyes focused on the boy behind those bars.</p><p>The ravenette didn’t stare away even when Eren seemed to leave this place completely and got so lost in thoughts he obviously forgot they were even here.<br/>
“Oi, brat.”, he called out to him, unknowingly cutting Erwin off. There was no reaction from him. “Oi!”, he repeated, louder this time.<br/>
Levi didn’t know whether it was his voice that made him snap back from reality but suddenly here he was, back with them. The expression on his face however? It was as if Levi was staring in a mirror. It shocked him, for the first time in years. After that, only one question remained.</p><p>“Come on. It’s an easy question. So answer it. What the hell is it you want to do?”, he asked, leaning a bit more forward than before and knowing that his change in posture didn’t fall unnoticed on Erwin’s side but didn’t even bother to care. There was a flicker of hatred and rage that felt so familiar in the boy’s emerald green orbs when he heard the Captain’s question, surprising the latter even further. </p><p>“I want to become a member of the Scouts and slaughter every Titan that crosses my path!”, Eren finally replied.</p><p>Levi was speechless for a moment, getting back that light in his eyes for just a moment.<br/>
“Huh? Not bad…”, the Captain chimed, feeling Erwin staring at him.</p><p>But the ravenette? His eyes were entirely for the brunette this time. Recalling what happened to him, he decided that there was no way he was letting that happen to Eren. He felt alive for the first time in years and he wasn’t letting that slip away. He pushed himself off the wall he was previously leaning on and started walking toward the bars of the jail the brunette was confined in.<br/>
“All right then.” Cold blue eyes burning through his back. He could feel him but this time he didn’t let himself be swayed. </p><p>“I’ll take responsibility for him.” </p><p>Levi didn’t turn but his next words were for Erwin. Never before had he almost ordered something of his own accord. “Let the higher-ups know what’s going on. Not that I trust him, of course. It’s more a matter of me trusting myself to deal with him. I’ll kill him if I have to.” He felt like Erwin wasn’t convinced, surely would intervene if he didn’t keep going. He was probably shocked enough to wonder where all that talking from him came from. And Eren? He flinched at the words, but that was to be expected. “The bigwigs aren’t likely to raise a stink. My record more than speaks for itself, I’m pretty sure.”, he went on. Not enough Erwin? All right. “Good news, Jaeger. You’re now officially a member of the Scouts.”</p><p>With that, Levi turned on his heels and headed out, Erwin still shocked from his declaration he was sure but he soon felt the sound of his boots hurrying behind him, before long he was matching his pace with the ravenette.<br/>
“... Are you certain about this, Levi?”, the blonde immediately asked, staring at him once again.</p><p>“You think I would bring out all these big words if I wasn’t certain, Erwin?”, Levi replied with a question, as Erwin did to him a lot of time before and he even dared to look at him, daring him to question what he proclaimed. </p><p>He didn’t.</p><p>“Good. Then let the higher-ups know.”, he added before taking a turn left in a hall and leaving Erwin behind. </p><p>Levi only stopped when he was outside. Halting where he was sure no one was seeing, there he let himself drop to the ground and breathed heavily, tears rolling down on his cheeks before he knew it, all the tears he didn’t shed for all the comrades he’d lost outside the walls, all coming out, all at once. </p><p>Eren Jaeger…</p><p>He made him feel alive again by just being there. By just existing, he brought a change in Levi or rather, set alight a fire that had been extinguished for a long time, bringing about a smell of change.</p><p>For the first time since losing Isabel and Furlan, Levi allowed himself to feel responsible for a life other than his own...</p>
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